today, ‘day by day’ feels like eternity by eternity. so, i’m going to have to take it moment by moment.
it’s a rough one so far. i’m grateful to be an ever-learning person because it allows me to give every version of myself the knowledge and space she requires to thrive. this current version needs a lot. and i don’t mean the 27-year-old, the toddler mom, or any general attributes; i mean the version sitting right here writing this at 11 a.m. on july 30th. she needs all the space, love, grace, and time she needs because she is enduring. so, i’ll give it to her.
she felt a little down this rising, and for no particular reason. she just had the (mom)entary thought, ‘this feels like too much yet i don’t feel i’m doing enough.’ almost immediately she, ever-learningly, reminded herself that her menstruation phase is coming. duh. did this reminder solve everything? no. did it make her feel safe and validated? fully. sadness comes knocking when the blood is on its way and there’s nothing she can do except be grateful she’s in good health and ride the red wave. she’s going to let the hormones take the hit for this one. her self-esteem gets a pass… solace even.
a painting i was working on in 2019 using a calming technique.
today might be moment by moment, but those moments add to minutes. and then, those minutes add to hours. and finally those hours add up to days. so you (me) see? it’s okay to take it as slow as you need to. there is no need to rush.
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