i don't believe in the pressure of forgiveness, but i do believe in the purpose.
the thing about forgiveness is it may take a few tries. you may need to... renew it. though frustrating, so long as you commit to it, subscribe to it, you are on your way to somewhere. somewhere new, or at least somewhere different. sometimes the wrongs we endure resurface and we are reminded the current cycle of forgiveness has expired. then, it's time to check in. can you afford it? is it worth it?
the new versions of us may need to re-up. the new may not agree with the past. the new versions of us may feel different, may feel a way. and that is okay. we flow with it. we investigate it. 'do i still feel wronged'? 'do i require reparation'? 'do i care more than i'd like to'? now keep in mind your requirements may go unfulfilled. be it an apology or closure of some sort, sometimes we just don't get what we want. but the beauty is we can give ourselves what we need.
i'm sure you just asked 'how'? well, we identify the 'why' of 'why is this still hurting me?' this identification requires truth. it requires transparency and a willingness to accept our vulnerability; to, just for a few moments, remove our cloaks of imputed indifference. we do this so that we can make a decision: to never again allow that same hurt to control us.
now we know we cannot control anyone else, but we can spare ourselves the energy of rationalizing the act or behavior by walking away. we can say, "i no longer choose this. this isn't for me," and let that be enough. we can choose to initiate change within ourselves.
think of forgiveness as a release, an unpacking, and the transgression as baggage. you may hold the memory but can unpack your bags! if you do decide to carry it with you, then carry it with awareness and accountability; with the declaration, the admission, of 'i still have work to do. and that's okay.'
now say it with me. "i still have work to do and that's okay."
peace be.
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